If I Can’t Be Your Wife

“Ummm…”

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“Oh my god! Are you awake?”

 

Emily ran over crying as Kathleen moaned in pain as if her head was about to break.

 

“Yes.
Can you lift me up?”

 

“Lean here.
Oh my god, you passed out for a full day.
You don’t know how worried I was! The Imperial Court Doctor said that you were not hurt anywhere.”

 

She couldn’t remember what had happened to her after the nanny grabbed her hair, but it seemed that she passed out.
As she tried to reassure the worried Emily, Kathleen suddenly became curious.

 

“By the way, did the Imperial Court Doctor do the examination, not the Walten family doctor?”

 

“The Master called for him.
As soon as Madame fell, he ordered it.”

 

“Ah….”

 

She felt strange at the unexpected words.
She thought he didn’t care, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

[T/N: Why do I get the feeling that he didn’t do it for her.] 

[PR/N: Everyone is sus!!!]

 

“Did the Duke hear that I fell?”

 

“Yes he did.
As soon as the Madame passed out in the drawing room, he even carried you in his arms.”

 

“The Duke himself came to the drawing room?”

 

“Yes, that’s right.
He even personally ordered that crazy woman killed, ah.”

 

Emily, who had a refreshed face, stopped trying to say something about her.
As Kathleen’s eyes conveyed for her to continue, she had an expression that said she couldn’t help it and continued.

 

“The nanny or whatever, the woman was executed.
She was sentenced to death for contempt of the Imperial Family.
It’s better not to know the details.”

 

“I see.” Kathleen answered blankly.

 

Touching her tingling shoulders, Emily said in a slightly excited tone.

 

“As expected, since it’s related to the Duchess, the Master seems to be different.
Seeing that he threw away even the nanny whom he regarded so greatly!”

 

Kathleen smiled bitterly at her.

 

“You think so?”

 

“Yes! Of course, the Master is usually busy, so he doesn’t visit the Madame very often, but yesterday he took care of you all night.”

 

“What?”

 

Her pale blue eyes gleamed with a curious light.

 

‘That can’t be true.’

 

He obviously meant to catch the informant and used her as bait.
Judging from his usual personality, he achieved his purpose, but there was no need to do unnecessary things.

 

“Why did he do that?”

 

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“Geez, isn’t it natural for a husband to care about his wife?”

 

Emily smiled lightly and attended to Kathleen.
She even told her that Alexis left the Duke’s castle at dawn because something urgent came up.

 

‘Really?’

 

She thought it was unlikely, but she wanted to believe.
Perhaps it was because she needed someone to lean on because of the memories from seven years ago that came to mind.

 

“Madame, letters have arrived.”

 

As the sun was setting, the old butler Alsdorf came up to the bedroom with two envelopes.

 

“Thank you.
You may leave it there, I’ll read them later.”

 

“It’s urgent, so it would be better to read them right away.”

 

Emily handed them to her with a cautious approach, along with a letter opener.
Putting the letters on her lap, Kathleen took the knife and she spoke casually.

 

“If it’s an urgent matter, it would be better to tell the Duke instead of me.”

 

“One of them was sent by His Grace.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

Kathleen flipped the envelope to confirm the sender’s name, feeling a strange excitement at the unexpected surprise.

 

‘If you’re worried about me…’

 

Before she could ignite the small spark of hope, Kathleen was startled.

 

[Everton Winston]

 

What caught her eye was her father’s name.

 

Small ice crystals started forming along the handle of the knife she was holding in her right hand.

 

“His Grace ordered for you to read his letter first before any other letters.”

 

Alsdorf quickly said seeing Kathleen’s face harden.
He was far from the bed so he couldn’t see the small knife’s condition.
Kathleen took a deep breath at those words and calmed her mind.
Because of her trembling hands, she hid the knife under a blanket and ripped the envelope open with her bare hands.
The ice crystals on her fingers melted away in an instant and wet the envelope.

 

[See you at breakfast tomorrow.
I wish we could talk over hot coffee.]

 

That was all Alexis had said without much content.

 

But Kathleen’s heart was relieved by his words that meant nothing.
It was because this was the first time he had told her the time of his return.

 

She didn’t hate the feeling of being excited by such trivial interest.

 

Only then did she find herself reading the letter from her father.
Kathleen opened the rest of the envelope as she felt better.

 

[Kathleen.

Whether it’s by your will or not, it has been a long time since you cut off contact with your family.
With the time that has passed, I think your old feelings should have now been relieved a little.

Up until now, I didn’t really care if you ignored contact from Winston, but you won’t be able to do so this time.]

 

Since she became Duchess of Walten, no one has ever called her by name except for her husband.
Considering her father’s personality, it was quite natural, but somehow she felt a sense of reluctance.

 

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For now, she continued to read her letter.

[The time has come for your sister Isabella to debut in the Capital’s social world.
She has already made her debut in the Northern social circles, but as you know, the families one can encounter here are limited.

Isabella has been talking about her marriage, so the sooner her debut is, the better.
As her older sister, she believes you will be responsible.]

 

His short letter didn’t even say hello.
Kathleen let out a long sigh and put her letter down.

 

“Madame, what is it? You look a bit pale.
What did Count Winston say?”

 

“First, burn this.”

 

Kathleen handed a letter to Emily.
Emily quietly threw it into the fireplace and burned it, then looked at her for an answer.

 

“My little sister is going to debut in the Capital’s social circle, and she’s telling me to take responsibility.”

 

“What?”

 

Emily grimaced.
Her face said she didn’t like it.

 

“Isabella, no, are you talking about the little girl Winston?”

 

“Yes.
Who else but her?”

 

“Huh, really.”

 

She couldn’t say anything because it was the Count’s daughter, but she looked quite dissatisfied.
That’s because Emily had been roommates with Kathleen for six years and she had told her stories from her past.

 

“Then shall we prepare starting tomorrow, Madame?”

 

The experienced butler Alsdorf asked.
Kathleen pondered and shook her head.

 

“It’s too early to prepare because we don’t know the date of their visit to the capital yet and the Duke hasn’t heard of it.
Please ask again later.”

 

“Yes.
I understand, then I will leave now.”

 

After Alsdorf left, Emily persuaded with a serious face.

 

“Madame, you should not do it.
Who was the reason that Madame left the Winston Estate? She told Madame that you should be glad that the Lord didn’t excommunicate you.
Why do you want to help her debut in society?”

 

“I have no intention of doing that either.
but…..”

 

Isabella Winston.

 

Unlike herself, she was born out of a legal marriage, a legitimate daughter.

 

Of course, Kathleen was also listed in the family records as the daughter of the Countess, but it was only a cover up.
The Countess strongly demanded that Kathleen’s name be listed only after putting Isabella in the family records first, and Count Winston accepted.

 

So, although Kathleen is the older sister, she entered the family records later than Isabella.

 

As is evident from her appearance, and when you look at the Winston’s family records, anyone could tell that she was not the daughter of the Countess.
Even her birth year was written down properly.

 

She was even grateful that she could be called ‘older sister’.

– It’s unpleasant to be associated with someone like you as my sister.

-You only inherited Father’s name, you have nothing.

– If you have a brain, leave here.
Do you even have any idea how obscene the rumours you have caused for Count Winston?

– Because of you, I’m trapped and treated as a low-born!

 

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Even after seven years had passed, she could still hear Isabella’s venomous voice.
A bitter laugh came out.

 

‘Even if we meet again, we will still be the same.’

 

When she was supposed to become the Duchess of Walten, her father contacted her to remind her that she was originally from a noble family.
He didn’t want to go in person, so he sent someone to tell her, and Count Winston had brought up the family records.

 

– Now that you’ve beaten your sister, are you feeling at ease? Anyway, how lucky you are to have a pretty face.

 

She heard Isabella made a fuss about attending the wedding.
Count Winston, who did not want to lose his connection with the great nobles, responded appropriately, so there were no major problems.

 

‘I don’t want to be involved with them anymore.’

 

Kathleen fell asleep as she thought of a few reasonable excuses to not help Isabella with her debut.

 

It was the next morning when she woke up again.
Although she slept early and woke up quite early, she almost jumped out of her bed with nervousness.

 

“Emily, I want to wash up and get dressed soon.
Get ready.”

 

“What? So suddenly this morning?”

 

“The Duke will be back.
We’ll have a meal together, so tell the kitchen.”

 

“A-a! Yes!”

 

Emily ran out in delight after seeing Kathleen’s excited look after a long time, she informed them to prepare properly because the Duke and Duchess would have breakfast together.

 

It had been a long time since the Duke and his wife had breakfast together, so all the servants of the Duke’s residence were surprised.
Still, everyone moved in unison and started preparing, and Kathleen also finished her makeup.

 

“Madame, really.
You are so excited, like a newlywed.”

 

“Don’t make fun of me.”

 

“Yes, okay.
Oh, and the coffee you mentioned is ready.
It will be boiled hot and served after the meal.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Even when Kathleen was working as a kitchen maid, Alexis was never particularly interested in food.
He only drank water or alcohol, but even with alcohol he didn’t care much about which kind.
The fact that he asked to talk over coffee had a social meaning that Kathleen kept looking forward to.

 

‘Maybe he finally wants to talk to me.’

 

She was well aware that she was starving for his love.
She had always longed for that feeling she had never received in her life, and she became thirsty every time.
She didn’t even know why she fell for her husband’s every word and action.

 

“Emily, I need to go down to the kitchen for a moment.
I think it would be better to prepare the Duke’s meal myself.”

 

“Wow! It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Madame’s skills!”

 

Emily knew well that the Duchess of Walten’s past as a kitchen maid was attached to her like a tag, so she had no idea what rumors will spread once it goes out that she prepared the food herself.
However, Emily didn’t stop her because she knew how excited Kathleen was.

 

But Alexis still hadn’t come even after the food that Kathleen had carefully prepared had gone cold.

 

Emily, who came to look outside, reported.

 

“Madame, he still hasn’t returned yet, what should I do?”

 

“……A little bit.
I will wait a little longer.”

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Her throat burned from thirst.
With a nervous heart, Kathleen drank cold water.

 

‘You must be late for some reason.’

 

As per Alsdorf, he had been busy with the management of the new estate he had received in the past few days.
That was probably why he went out yesterday morning.

 

‘It’s the first time he asked for an appointment, so he wouldn’t break it.’

 

If there was a need to cancel, he would’ve sent word.
Kathleen suppressed the uneasiness in her chest as she thought of this.

 

Time passed and it was soon noon.

 

“Madame, you can’t skip meals like this all the time.
As the Imperial Palace doctor said, you need to eat well and stay refreshed, so it’s better to eat first……”

 

“…..”

 

“Madame….”

 

Emily stomped her feet as she didn’t know what to do.

 

After thinking for a long time, she clasped her hands wearing thin-laced gloves, held them together and said.

 

“Bring me coffee.”

 

“Madame, you have to eat first.”

 

“It is too late for breakfast.
If it’s dessert, it’s okay if it’s late, so bring that as well.”

 

Being punctual and eating well was one of the basic qualities of a nobleman.
If you missed a meal, skip it as is, or fill your stomach with simple food and wait for the next meal.

 

Curious glances of the servants who went to and from the dining hall and its surroundings poured on her.
She couldn’t even ask to have an early lunch in this situation as there were ridiculing eyes among them.

 

The more it happened, the more Kathleen straightened her back.
She put strength in her eyes and bit her lips.

 

Emily had no choice but to serve her coffee, which she had prepared with dessert.

 

As Alexis said, the boiling hot coffee in a pure white cup.
The steaming black liquid appeared so dark that she didn’t know what was inside.

 

Kathleen sent all the servants away and sat alone in the empty dining room, holding her cup of coffee.
Despite wearing gloves, the hot steam quickly cooled as soon as she picked up the cup by the handle.
She tilted the cup indifferently.
As it cooled, the cold coffee ran down her throat.

 

“Kathleen.”

 

Alexis only returned after she had emptied her cup.

 

“It’s not meal time yet, but you’re here.”

 

“……Are you here now?”

 

Kathleen answered, looking up at him softly.
Alexis nodded his head and sat across from her.

 

“There was a lot more work to be done than I expected.”

 

They were words without an apology.

 

Her heart beat erratically.
Whether it was because of the coffee or something else, Kathleen didn’t know.