Life, Once Again!
CH 36
o you invest so much time in me?”
“You really don’t know?”
“I don’t.
Wouldn’t it be more efficient to spend this time with the other kids? You don’t even know if I’m going to end up acting, so why do you keep wasting time…”
“Wasting time?”
“?”
Miso’s eyebrows angled upwards.
He must’ve hit a sore spot of some sort.
Her pale skin turned pink as the blood rose up to her head.
“I think I get what kind of a person you are now.”
“You get me?”
“Yes.
You’re really annoying!”
“…….”
Miso turned on the engine.
The car started rolling back into the street.
“I get what you’re so troubled over.
Good god.”
“What troubles me?”
“Yeah.”
Miso opened the window a little, letting the spring wind flow.
Her face relaxed a bit as her hair whipped around with the wind.
“You’re looking too far into the future.”
“Too far?”
“Yeah.
You’re looking way too far into the future.
I mean, it makes sense that some kids of your age would think about this.
About stuff like college entrance exams, college, and the military as well.”
Miso nodded in understanding, but her face quickly morphed into one of fury once more.
“But those are just dreams in the end.
Stuff that doesn’t actually exist or has happened yet.
Kids who worry over stuff like this usually start looking at the present if I shake them up a little bit.
But you’re different.”
She sounded incredibly confident.
“I don’t know how, or why, but you seem to be looking at a very, very specific point in the future.
Almost as if you were there before.
Because it feels so real to you, you can’t help but keep worrying over it.
Am I wrong?”
What an amazing person.
Maru nodded.
He had no reason to deny her the truth.
“I knew it.
I knew it, god damn it.
You’re way too imaginative.
That’s what’s constantly making you think of the future.
I’d be like that too! If I knew exactly what I was going to look like in the future, I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing now! I’d be nervous as shit!!”
Honk honk!!
Miso punched the wheel in frustration.
The car in front of her moved sideways away from her lane.
“But you know, I think it’s ridiculously foolish to think so much about something that hasn’t even happened yet.
Sure, you might think differently.
Hell, I might as well.”
Miso breathed deeply as she turned to look at him.
“Walter Benjamin used to say this.”
Walter Benjamin.
He’d heard of the name before.
It was a frequent mention within the philosophy books he decided to read simpler philosophy books to try and improve himself.
Thanks to it, he could tell what Miso was trying to say now.
“Progress…”
“is in each instance merely the first step, never the second, third, or n + 1.”
Miso looked at him with wide eyes.
Maru thought over the quote.
Along with Miso’s advice.
Was he looking too far into the future? Was he worrying over something far too specific?
Progress.
He needed to step forward if he wanted to move.
Without that one step, he would never make progress.
Step by step, once the number of steps began piling up, he would be able to look back at what he made of his life.
Perhaps he was just too afraid over something that had yet to even happen.
First step.
The one step that was always the scariest one to take.
“And, to add on,” Miso continued, “if you take the wrong first step, you can just fix it at your second.
If you took the wrong second step? You can still change direction at your third.
Don’t be afraid.
Don’t hesitate.
From what I can see… You’ve thought for long enough.
Maybe what you really need is to step forward?”
Miso closed her mouth and focused on driving.
She didn’t seem to have anything more to say.
Maru turned to look down at his two feet.
Did he… make that first step yet?
By the time they came back to school, it was already 5pm.
Miso didn’t choose to go all the way back to the school.
She parked at the tonkatsu restaurant near school instead.
“Mister, can you fry up like 13 servings of food for us? Make it good.”
“Alright.”
She sat down on a table.
13 servings… Maru looked at Miso curiously.
“Have some.
I know you’re hungry.”
“I’m fi…”
“Fine my ass! Shut it! Just eat! Do you really want to see me try to force feed you?”
Miso didn’t seem to want to let this one pass.
Maru just decided to sit down lest he incurred her fury once more.
He could hear the tonkatsu fry up in the kitchen.
He thought back to their earlier conversation for a second.
“Come to think of it, I never heard your answer.”
“Ah, that.”
She wore an exhausted expression, appearing to lack the necessary energy to respond.
“Hey,” she called out.
“Yes?”
“Say you saw a piece of coal on the road.
A really, really dark piece too.
But you see something sparkling inside it as well.
What would you do?”
“I’d try to wipe it to see what the thing was inside.”
“Right? You’d do that too, right?”
“…So you’re saying I’m that coal?”
“No.”
“Then?”
“Poop! You’re poop!”
“What?”
“I don’t even know anymore.
Just do what you want.
I don’t care.
Flipping hell.”
“…….”
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I was just wondering if you were mad.”
“W-what?”
“Just wondering.”
“Say that again.”
“Can we just pretend you didn’t hear any of this?”
“I’ll rip your jaw off!”
Miso was acting like a cat whose tail was just stepped on, which made Maru smile a little.
He felt a lot better for some reason.
Almost as if one of his problems was solved just now.
Perhaps blending in with other people in such a way was a sort of a talent.
Right then, Miso gave him a small glance nervously.
“Soo… you wanna try it?”
Hah.
She really doesn’t change, does she? Maru shook his head.
“Nope.”
“Ugh, come on!”
“But…”
“Hm?”
“I’d like to try something else.”
One step.
He decided he might as well step forward just a little bit.
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